The Fetus Ate My Homework

It's 7:30 AM. I've been up since 3 AM due to this cold/virus/miserableness. I want nothing more than to veg out on the couch all day, drinking fluids, watching TV or movies, and napping as I'm able. Instead, I will be scrambling to complete two final papers that are due tomorrow before starting a final project and studying for a final exam. Yes, I could have started these papers quite a while ago. I didn't have to wait until the day before they were due. However, the fetus ate my homework.

How much of this is an excuse and how much of this is truth? I fell way behind this semester because I was so exhausted and sick for the first few weeks of pregnancy. I finally started to feel better shortly after midterms, but the damage had been done, both to my workload and to my motivation. I had already accepted that my grades would probably slip this term. That 4.0 of the fall semester was just not destined to be repeated. And when the BOM or whoever asked me about this discrepancy in grades, I would have a perfectly understandable explanation: I was pregnant that semester. And they would nod their heads with understanding and sympathy and not hold my lack-luster grades against me. After all, it's not like I'm expecting C's or something; I'm just choosing to be content with B's because I don't want to do any real work. And that's where the excuse part comes in. It's not that I'm not capable; it's that I don't want to. Granted, there were days in early pregnancy when I really couldn't read the hundreds of pages assigned for the next day's class. But there were also times when my body wasn't preventing me from doing work but my mind, my lack of motivation, my shifted priorities. Because if I can put in minimal effort and still get B's, why knock myself out when I may never make it back to school?

Therein lies the second issue. Even though I've denied the very suggestion that I wouldn't finish my degree because of having a baby, I know that it's a very real possibility. Because it's not like I'm in college still and contemplating not finishing my BA. And if it's possible that I won't finish my degree, why should I waste this time I could be just enjoying being pregnant by spending all of my time reading, researching, and writing? Why worry about getting good grades when it's not going to matter?

And yet I'm too proud to completely slack off. I still need to complete all the graded assignments and do a decent job with them. And if I have procrastinated so much that I would really have to push myself to get them done? Well, here comes that homework-eating fetus, again. That's right, I requested and received an extension on a paper this term on the basis of being pregnant. And, while students are granted extensions all the time for much worse reasons and there really was truth to my request, I feel ashamed, as if I am exploiting my child.

So here I am. Two papers due tomorrow (those are the actual deadlines, at least, not extensions). One worth 50% of my grade. I'm tired. I'm sick. And I'm going to churn out these papers as quickly as possible, focusing more on getting them over with than on doing them well. And when I get my final grades back, I won't blame my procrastination. I won't blame my laziness. I won't blame my lack of motivation. Instead, I'll tell myself that my grades for this term don't matter. Why? Because I was occupied with more important things. Like growing my homework-eating fetus.

20 Weeks

How far along? 20 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Only down 4 lbs since BFP as of the doctor's this morning. This stressed me out, but the doctor was happy with it and says my weight is finally back on track. So... good?
Maternity clothes? Definitely a necessity at this point. I have 2-3 normal shirts that fit, 3 maternity shirts, and 2 maternity dresses, and that is my rotation.
Stretch marks? I don't think so.
Sleep: The only thing waking me up is allergies, so that's pretty good. I've also been needing to nap more, though.
Best moment this week: Feeling Stretch move for the first time and growing more confident every time that it's really him I'm feeling.
Movement: A-yup!!! And it's fantastic!
Food cravings: Still liking the lemonade. Also, stir-fry and sushi are high on my list.
Gender: Bouncing baby boy!
Labor Signs: No.
Belly Button in or out? In.
What I miss: I'm sure I've used this one before, but I miss not worrying about every little thing. Like that rash that keeps appearing on my arms that has no explanation, but that the doctor says sounds fine. Oh, and being able to take normal medicine to treat said ailments.
What I am looking forward to: I don't even know... I found out the gender, I made it halfway, I started to feel him move... I guess I'm looking forward to having more time to relax after finals are over and just enjoy being pregnant!
Weekly Wisdom: Try not to be offended if people don't realize you're pregnant even when you're obviously showing. Instead, be grateful they don't verbalize what they're apparently thinking, that is: "Wow, C has really gotten fat lately!"
Milestones: Stretch is half-baked, and I can feel him move!!!

Houston, we have movement!

OK, I'm a few days late with this post, but 'tis the season of final papers so it's a miracle I'm posting the same week it happened!

On Tuesday, at 19w1d, I was sitting in Ethics, listening to the prof. lecture on medical ethics. We were discussing from a subversive ethics viewpoint, and he raised the issue of disability rights in discussing the practice of termination as a method to do away with disability. I guess Stretch decided he need to let his feelings be known because all of a sudden there was a thump-thump-thump in my left abdomen. I gazed down at my stomach in amazement and hilarity at the timing of Stretch's kicks. It only took a few moments of certainty for me to begin to explain away the feeling. But there it was again. Overjoyed, I shared the news with C and later with my mom, but the nagging thought that maybe I had just imagined it persisted. But what else could that have been?

All day Wednesday, as I worked on my Methodism paper, I tried to pay attention to any sign of movement. Nothing. Nada. And then, as I laid in bed that night, there was a dull thud right in the center of my abdomen. And then another. The popcorn-feeling had returned, and my faith returned. While Stretch remained still in Ethics on Thursday, despite another discussion of abortion, he stirred again as I sat in a small group during my last class (last class of the term and last class at least until January!). It startled me so much that I let out a "Woah!" and clutched my stomach. Thankfully, my group members responded with excitement rather than annoyance at being interrupted, and we got back to work as Stretch lazily pushed his legs into my abdominal wall.

I still have doubt, but every time I feel that thud (and it's happened several more times yesterday and this morning), I grow more sure that I'm really feeling him. My son.

19 Weeks

How far along? 19 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Things have finally reversed and with a vengeance... I'm only down 6 lbs as of this morning. Oops.
Maternity clothes? I'm still able to wear a couple of normal shirts, but I'm basically wearing the same 5 shirts in a rotation. Not ideal.
Stretch marks? None that I've noticed.
Sleep: Allergies kept me up last night, but I'd been sleeping pretty well prior to that.
Best moment this week: Spreading the word about Stretch's boy parts and having people finally start to notice I'm pregnant by looking at me (including a lady at a restaurant who offered me her seat). Oh, and getting 4 packages filled with baby boy gear from my mom.
Movement: I don't even know anymore. Sometimes I'll think I've felt something, maybe, possibly. Other times I feel like I'll never feel him.
Food cravings: Chick-fil-A lemonade. And I learned this week that I will cry over spilled lemonade. Just ask C.
Gender: Boy!
Labor Signs: None, thanks.
Belly Button in or out? In.
What I miss: Apparently I miss TTC because twice yesterday I thought to myself "God, I want to be pregnant" before looking down at my belly and going "oh yeah." Weird.
What I am looking forward to: Feeling Stretch move so that I can have the reassurance that all is well. That and making it to 20 weeks and the halfway point!
Weekly Wisdom: Naps can be your best friend, not just in the 1st tri but throughout your pregnancy. Don't fight it.
Milestones: Others realizing I'm pregnant based on my burgeoning bump.

I may add a picture tomorrow because I was too busy to look decent today. (Edit: Picture added at 19w1d)

18 Weeks

How far along? 18 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Down 10-11 lbs since BFP.
Maternity clothes? Maternity pants and a mixture of normal shirts and my 2 maternity shirts (I really need more, but I can't find any I like).
Stretch marks? Nope.
Sleep: I finally slept better the past couple of nights after not getting enough sleep due to late night meetings.
Best moment this week: Seeing Stretch, getting a perfect health report, and finding out the gender!
Movement: I'm anxiously awaiting it!
Food cravings: Nothing in particular.
Gender: BOY!!!
Labor Signs: None.
Belly Button in or out? In.
What I miss: Not worrying about the consequences of every little thing, which I'm guessing is my new reality.
What I am looking forward to: Feeling Stretch for the first time. Also, my mom went baby-shopping crazy so I'm expecting two packages on Wednesday.
Weekly Wisdom: People react in different ways. Try not to be offended if someone's excitement level doesn't match your expectations. It may have nothing to do with you.
Milestones: Finding out the gender. That's a big enough milestone for me!

It's a...

Boy!!!

Everything looked absolutely perfect. Stretch wasn't cooperating at the beginning and curled himself up in a ball while the tech tried to get measurements. Then I started having a Braxton Hicks contraction, and he got even more squeezed up, but finally things readjusted, and the tech was able to get all the measurements he needed. Stretch is measuring right on schedule, his heart looks good (no aortic stenosis!), and there was no sign of cleft lip, which were the two main defects we were concerned about. He's weighing in at 8 oz., so half a pound already! The tech switched to 4D for some of it, which was awesome, but all of the pictures came out fuzzy.

The tech showed us one angle and said, "Imagine the baby is sitting on a glass table. Neither of the legs are in the shot. Here's the bottom, here's the top of a thigh, and here's the penis!" It took a minute for it to sink in, but then I turned to C and said, "I was right after all!" Hehe. As soon as we left, I called Marian to tell her, and she started screaming. My parents (especially my dad) are thrilled to death (Mom thinks Dad is more excited about his grandson than he was about any of his own kids). My paternal grandmother started crying on the phone she was so happy, and my maternal grandmother was pretty excited, too! Only one of my brothers has called so far to wish me a happy birthday, but he demanded the news as soon as I answered and then admitted he'd been rooting for a nephew. I can't wait to surprise C's parents with the news tonight (they are visiting for the weekend and had no idea about this appointment)!

So a healthy baby boy. I couldn't have asked for a better birthday present. And even though I told C I didn't want anything for my birthday, he picked me out a gift all by himself (the first time he's done that) and surprised me this morning with a beautiful diamond necklace. I am so incredibly blessed to have such a loving husband, a wonderful family, and a healthy son on the way!

17 Weeks

How far along? 17 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: I didn't weigh myself this morning, but as of yesterday, still down 10+ lbs.
Maternity clothes? Maternity pants and a mixture of normal shirts and my one maternity shirt (see picture), but I really need more maternity shirts!!!
Stretch marks? Nope.
Sleep: Sleeping pretty well, but still very tired!
Best moment this week: Scheduling our big u/s, putting together the nursery furniture, realizing that I'm beginning to actually look pregnant, and Duke making it to the Championship game!
Movement: I don't think so.
Food cravings: Still not especially hungry, but oranges always satisfy. I was craving eel rolls last night, though.
Gender: I'll (hopefully) find out on Friday!!! I'm completely torn now as to which I think Stretch is...
Labor Signs: Nada
Belly Button in or out? In but not as deep
What I miss: Having more than a couple of shirts I can wear...
What I am looking forward to: My anatomy scan on Friday!!!
Weekly Wisdom: Don't overdo it! Despite the advice of a pregnant mom at the kids' Easter egg hunt, I was still trying to move things around, carry things, and pick stuff up. I'm still paying for it.
Milestones: I'll (hopefully) find out the sex of Stretch this week! I've also reached the point where maternity shirts are becoming a necessity, but I can't find any more that I like, sadly.